Are we doing enough? Published Sept. 16, 2008 By Tech. Sgt. Gloria Wilson 354th Fighter Wing Public Affairs EIELSON AIR FORCE BASE, Alaska -- He's dead now. My friend Henry was such a comedian. He did the goofiest things to make you laugh and his antics always succeeded. Although he was funny, he was also sensitive and at times took things to heart. He strived to be number one and pushed himself to be the best he could. I know this as a friend and as an employer, because when I first met Henry he worked for me. As sweet as Henry was, I never thought of him in a romantic way but I found out that he thought of me that way. I explained to him that we could only be friends. Time passed on, I found a new job and Henry remained at my former place of employment, and although we now worked at different places, we kept in touch. Henry would visit me unannounced at my new job and although I always tried to be someone Henry could count on, I tried my best to discourage these visits because I didn't want to give him false hopes of a relationship. He would travel for an hour and a half on bus to see me for 15 minutes, which I didn't consider a normal thing for people who were just friends to do. Now that I look back, I pushed him away a lot--thinking I was doing the right thing. Time went on. On Valentine's Day he gave me a card stating that he knew he could be a pest sometimes, but whenever he needed someone to talk to I listened, and he didn't really have anyone else who cared. Time went on. The next card I received from him was left for me at work because Henry once again had gone there unannounced and I was off that day. I still have the card and the words are engraved upon my memory. "I'm sorry if I've been bothering you, but I'm going through a tough time and I was hoping you could help me." I dismissed it as Henry being Henry and we ended up losing touch. After not hearing from Henry for quite a while, a mutual friend and I decided to go to the place Henry had last worked since we didn't have his home phone number anymore. I can still taste the salty tears that flowed, the taste of bile in my mouth and feel the heat on my face when they told me that Henry had committed suicide. Although the person telling me the details' voice sounded far away, I remember being told that Henry had found a girlfriend and when they started having problems he hung himself in his garage with a tie. The first thing I thought about was the cards he gave me. The next thing I thought about is that maybe I could have prevented it. How many times do we get to busy with our lives and jobs that we don't take the time out to notice what might be right in front of us? How many times as supervisors do we treat the problem, like an Airman being late for work, then try and find out the reason why? Yes, many of us ask, some of us do this, but how many of us once they ask, take the answer at face value and don't truly take the time to look at the whole picture? I'm not saying we need to be detectives. What I'm saying is look at the tools they give us, the signs they tell us, and don't disregard them. For those of you who are friends or co-workers, how many times has someone gone through something and maybe has displayed signs, but you've convinced yourself that they'll get over it, or maybe think that going to someone might get the person in trouble, or don't do because you're afraid you'll be marked as someone who couldn't keep their mouths shut. Not every situation will be they same; they'll be different; maybe more subtle, maybe more blatant than my friend Henry. The point is if you're not actively looking for them, you might miss them and someone might die. So ask yourself, 'Are you doing enough?' and if you're not, start. Editor's note: There are various resources available if you are concerned about someone such as chaplains, Life Skills, first sergeants and Military One Source.